Being an illustrator (OK, not necessarily as my full time job) is something I've always wanted. Include the soppy story here on how I've always drawn, I was basically born with the pen in my hand, and you've got the classic tale of 'this was meant to be'.
However, I've not really expected things to be so strange or me to become extremely doubtful of what I do so quickly.
I know, there is loads of work to do. But my problem is that there's nobody there to make me do it.
Cushioned by the comfort of having a 'real job' and being able to pay my bills every night, laziness slowly crept in.
I no longer come home and start practising on my drawing. No - I have ice cream, watch 'Location (x 3)', maybe read a little and dream of somehow becoming relevant in the illustration industry.
Cause that's exactly what it's like :|
And then there's self doubt ('I will never be good enough', 'I will never be the best so what's the point anyway?').
Sometimes, it all gets so overwhelming.
Plan of attack (this feels like the irrelevant new year's resolutions)?
1. Just keep on doing it. There's no other way to become better, work faster, do awesome things.
2. You will never be 'the best'. Even if you do become one of the best, you will never perceive yourself as such. 'Cause that's life! Deal with it.
3. Set a schedule up. It will be super annoying and sounds very 'corporate' and 'stiff', but hopefully the only way you don't end up watching 'ferret videos' (but OMG, have you seen the kuokka ones?!) for the rest of your life.
So there you go: three basic steps to start with.
Steps I've always known I should take, sometimes started on the right path, but somehow turned back, in a weird daze of overwhelming adult life, laziness, self doubt and stupidness, really.
OK, let's share some of the weirdest, loneliest, full of self doubt moments in here! It might make someone else feel they're not the only ones. Like - me.